Last Night I Masturbated

Melody: 

Funiculi Funicula

Lyrics: 

Last night I stayed home and masturbated,
It felt so good, I knew it would!
Last night I stayed home and masturbated,
It felt so nice, I did it twice!

First I did the short stroke,
It was so grand, I used my hand!
Then I did the long stroke,
It was so neat, I used my feet!

Mash it! Bash it!
Throw it on the floor!
Tie it ’round the bed post!
Smash it in the door!
Some say that intercourse is something truly grand,
Me I’d rather stay at home and do it all by hand!